"everybody want to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"

A friend of mine recently called me to vent about her in-laws showing up at her door a day early for a visit and staying 7 days longer than planned. 
I have been thinking about the saying "you do not pick your family" lately.  Obviously that saying applies to immediate family.  But how "immediate"? Your parents? Siblings? How about grandparents? Most of us do pick our spouses, so does that mean we picked their family? 
Visits from family are very interesting.  We get visited in our homes which we have built with our own "new" family.  The dynamics of juggling the past and the present sometimes get very sticky. 
I imagine a parent visiting a grown child with a family must feel somewhat out of sync.  I mean for a parent who did everything for a child (and I am well aware that not all parents did all they could) to now be put in a position where the child is maintaining a family with perhaps different rules, customs, or even values must be offsetting.   I would imagine having the roles being reversed takes more adjustment on the parents' end.  But, it is the parent who is selfless who will not mind not being in charge and will appreciate that the child they raised is now capable of raising children of their own.
Being a parent is about sacrifice.  I would think that it must be fulfilling to watch your child now grown, in a parental role -to know your sacrifices paid off. 
It is the parents who cannot adapt to their new role who have difficulty finding a place in the "new" family.  They hold to their old roles and even try to assert themselves in their children's family causing much discomfort and disharmony.  These parents often have a difficult time in giving respect to the "new" family.

The issue of respect leads me to my friends' predicament.  Her in laws assumed they were visiting their son's home and therefore have a right to do so at will.  What is unfortunate is - the wasted opportunity.  The visit will be one of tension and perhaps even unpleasant.  Had the visit been planned with respect, the outcome would be on a different road.


"everybody want to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"
~everybody wants respect, but not everyone wants to give it ~